Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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