I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
