Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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