Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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