I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
