Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
