My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
