Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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