The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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