Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
