it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
