you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
