Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
honey bunches of taint.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
