What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
