Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
