You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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