At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
