you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
