I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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