If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
