Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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