is your mom at the bar?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
