I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
is that a dick in a sweater?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
God, I missed his penis.
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