So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
