what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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