I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
