I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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