just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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