Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
