The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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