i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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