Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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