I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
