I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
