operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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