Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
