You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
