is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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