I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
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I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
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I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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