So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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