I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
