They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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