can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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