last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
