literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
