I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
