Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
how drunk are you?
Several
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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