piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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