I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
