I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
