And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
