Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
