i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
