im drinking this country out of the recession.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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