I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it because I queefed?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
