I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
