I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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