I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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