so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
