its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
