it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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