Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
