By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
