its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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