my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
