a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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