life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
