what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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