nut hugger
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
