is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
