My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF