Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Tell him ill love him long time

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  I'll assure him of it

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  (773): Tell him ill love him long time (1-773): I'll assure him of it http://tfl.nu/0jov
  Replies (3) Good night (1580) Bad night (599)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom

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  (647): Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom http://tfl.nu/rkiv
  Replies (38) Good night (4677) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

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  (613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!" http://tfl.nu/plpd
  Replies (11) Good night (5350) Bad night (1211)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee

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  (231): We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee http://tfl.nu/m4t7
  Replies (33) Good night (1428) Bad night (4209)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

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  (732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time (1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph http://tfl.nu/tobf
  Replies (11) Good night (4761) Bad night (1096)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost

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  (215): Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost http://tfl.nu/oth1
  Replies (4) Good night (3986) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?

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  (770): Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning? http://tfl.nu/sjpg
  Replies (5) Good night (2137) Bad night (1031)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.

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  (585): She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me. http://tfl.nu/s5wp
  Replies (3) Good night (498) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (61): View more from Australia

  You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.

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  (61): You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/yu51
  Replies (3) Good night (1015) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.

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  (647): Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May. http://tfl.nu/snqw
  Replies (9) Good night (1452) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.

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  (718): Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year. http://tfl.nu/pj0t
  Replies (5) Good night (516) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?

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  (412): Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony? http://tfl.nu/xq89
  Replies (4) Good night (717) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.

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  (337): She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last. http://tfl.nu/3f1e
  Replies (3) Good night (824) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have suspicion of morning wood.

  (281): View more from Texas

  How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?

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  (832): I have suspicion of morning wood. (281): How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis? http://tfl.nu/x95m
  Replies (4) Good night (709) Bad night (240)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after

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  (602): I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after http://tfl.nu/x9h9
  Replies (0) Good night (400) Bad night (256)

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