Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high