I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
