thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize