i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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