Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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