So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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